Nothing new here I'm afraid.

How do we decide? The existentialists leave us alone to make our decisions. I used to think that Christian Existentialism was a beautiful thing. I paint the picture of my life and then at the end, God and I sit down and look at the finished product, the product of my brushstrokes. He tells me what I did right and wrong and shows me how he blended the strokes I'd messed up.

But lately and increasingly, I am plain beginning to fear using the wrong colours.

It's actually worse than that. It's just like the Grand Inquisitor said, a human in full possession of his or her freedom has no greater desire than to find someone at whose feet to throw this freedom.

No doubt this is just the "final growing up" of the mid 30's. I want to avoid responsibility, yet here I am, finally learning to take responsibility for whatever it is that I decide.

This is great, but man, existentialism leaves you alone, on a molten ball of iron, hurtling at breakneck speeds through the universe (towards nothing), making decisions of eternal weight, without a guide except for yourself (for by choosing a guide you are already using limiting criteria of your own choice and thereby determining/narrowing the possible alternatives of counsel you can receive). It's all up to you baby!

I don't see this in the Bible. Well perhaps where Paul and his fellow missionaries did, in Acts, "what seemed good to them". Mostly it ranges from God being (and wanting to be) involved in 'details' all the way up to him having a concrete and determined plan.

Me I just want to know what is best to do. A life is a big responsibility. Does Father know best?

At the moment, existentialist self authentication seems a heroic stance and terrifically cold comfort to those (legitimately?) in need of guidance.